Thursday, September 18, 2008

Lightbulb for Brisbane Private Schools

I'm not sure if I've posted this before, but I'm going to post it again...because I find them so funny! (and with disturbing amounts of truth...)

The 'How many does it take to change a lightbulb', for Brisbane schools!

I've found two of these, so I'll post them both...just a warning, it's all just words, but the content is somewhat NSFW.

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Brisbane Girls Grammar - One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

St. Laurence's - Two. One to change the bulb and one to figure out how to get high off the old one.

Gregory Terrace - None. They're all too drunk to notice and even when their sober if they spot a hole they just put dencor rub in it.

All Hallows - One. She'll put through a call to maintenance staff because there's no way she's going to do manual labour.

Kenmore High - None. That hole looks better in the dark.

Lourdes Hill - Six. One to change it but only after the other five have found an interpreter to translate the English instructions.

Indooroopilly High - Seventy six. One to change the globe. Fifty to protest the globe's right not to change and twenty five to stage a counter protest.

Brisbane Boys Grammar - None. Those poor bastards are keeping their backs to the wall even if it means standing in the dark. "If you can't get a girl, get a Grammar boy".

Somerville House - Five. One to change it, two to make sure her hair ribbons are still in place and another two to make sure her bag looks cool at all times.

Ipswich Boys Grammar -Six. Four to break into the store, one to steal the globe and one to install it.

Brigidine - None. It is too unsafe for pregnant girls to attempt such a dangerous task.

Brisbane State High - where?

TSS - 10. One to change the bulb. One to call his dealer and eight to talk about how gnarly things got at Kirra during the last cyclone.

Nudgee College -Five. One to install it, and four to tally the number of times he says F*** or talks about rugby while he's doing it. Their wives and children shall all watch the process.

Ipswich Girls Grammar - None. Everything not welded down had been flogged long ago.

Marist Bros, Rosalie - None. Everyone is either suspended or wagging (including the teachers).

Marist Bros, Ashgrove - Three. One to put in a formal complaint about the imposition, one to change the bulb and one to make the observation that it isn't half as bright as the light shining from their arses.

BBC - Two. One to insert the bulb the other to jump start it via mummy's Volvo.

Churchie - None. In the company of canines one needs less imagination in the dark.

TGS - None. Electricity has yet to make it west of the great divide.

*******

Springwood:
None: cos even tho the prinicpal trys 2 say how gud the skool is he cant actually string his sentences together, while trying to explain that we will have to lock the classrooms now and everyone must sign in and out a key when they go to class because someone has vandalised the new light bulb, a massive group of islanders playing there guitars try to steal the new lightbulb, but cant fit it in their bag because of the sterios blasting their gangsta music are taking up all the room

Churchie:
Three - one to call the electrician and one to call daddy to pay the bill. I think we know what the third guy is doing.

CHAC:
Only one, but they get 6 demerit points for breaking it in the first place.

Moreton Bay College:
One - she holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

Lourdes Hill:
Eleven - one to screw it and ten to support its sexual orientation.

Balmoral:
Three - one to change it and two to try and figure out if you can get high off the old one.

St. Laurie's:
Ten - one to change it, one back up if the first guy's too drunk and the other eight to pray that it works.

Cooparoo SHS:
Eight - one to change the light bulb and 7 to figure out whether to knife it to death or sell it on the cooparoo shs drug market

St Margaret's:
the whole school; 2 to spread a rumour about the light bulb being a slut, 3 to say how they wish they could be as thin as the bulb, 3 more to call those 3 fat then go throw-up, 1 to buy the light bulb with daddy's credit card and 1 to invite Churchie so the rest can find a rich Husband. hopefully the principal will actually show up to do the honour but there is always the vice.

Kelvin Grove (Queensland Dance School of Excellence):
Five - one to change the bulb and four to do an interpretative dance about it.

Carmel College:
Seven - one to change the light bulb and six to throw a party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time.

Wynnum North:
None they don't have light bulbs...they are too fucked up...people smash them and try to kill them selves with them but if you told someone there was a broken light bulb they would probably try to fix it even though there isn't one there because they are so stoned to get light bulbs for the school!

Sommerville:
None - with fluoro green uniforms, its better in the dark.

BBC:
Seven - one to change it and the other 6 to stand around playing soggy sao's while he does it.

Iona:
Five - one to change it, 3 to stare at his arse while he does it and 2 to burn a hedge down, just for the hell of it.

Girls Grammar:
Five - one to change the bulb, one to make sure her nails don't break, one to curl her hair, one to make sure her outfit matches the light and one to make sure her shoes match as well.

Nudgee:
None - they don't have any money left after all the imports.

Toowoomba Grammar:
none - they don't have electricity yet.

All Hallows:
Four - one to change it and the other three to bitch about what a shit job she did.

Terrace:
Two - one to screw it in, and the other to gel his hair while he does it.

Villanova:
Two - one to fix it and one to look in a dictionary to discover what the heck a "light bulb" is anyway.

Ipswich Grammar:
None - they can't find a shop selling light bulbs within a 200 km radius of Ipswich.

St. Eddies:
just one guy to make the light bulb fall in love with him... but it doesn't matter cause he'll just go screw some other light bulb anyway...

Boys Grammar:
Twenty One - one to change the bulb and 20 to hang out at the Queen Street Mall...

Brisbane State High:
Ten - one to change it, one to break the old one and stab the guy fixing the light cause he looked at him 'funny' and a crew of eight to fight them both for no particular reason.

Wynnum State High:
Thirty One - one chic to actually change it, fifteen guys to look up her skirt, ten guys to see if they have enough money to pay her for a one night stand and five to smoke pot while they are skipping class.

MSM College:
None - they call the Marist guys and get them to do it for them.

Marist Ashgrove:
None - they return the call and get the MSM girls to return the favour.

Ferny Grove:
None, their tree friends help them out.

Stuartholme:
5, one to screw the bulb, 2 to hold her up there and the other two to hold the chair that the first two are on.

Mitchelton State High:
none - why waste money on light bulbs when they can waste it on their cricket fields??

Our Lady's College:
none, they all seem to have older boyfriends who do everything for them

Loretto College:
First you gotta find the blasted place (hint: Year 10 Marist Dancing Lessons... remind most of you?

Loretto College: 10, 3 to change the light bulb, two to sit on their arses watching and 5 to sit around wishing their boyfriends where there to help.

Redlands College:
1 to ask Mr patterson if they can... wait while he asks god if its ok ... oops none coz mr patterson (and god) would say no coz it promotes sex.

St. Mary's:
i dunno... but i'm sure they'll make it into an act at their musical next year.. at least it would be more interesting then this year...

Malanda High:
the entire school population coz its the most exciting thing that's happened there since the freakin school opened!

Forest Lake College:
none, they're too busy pretending they don't live near Inala

Clayfield College:
doesn't matter, those girls will screw anything

Macgregor High:
3 to change the light bulb, 2 to act as interpretators so they can understand each others' languages, 2 to work out why a scottish school has no people from Scotland in it and an extra 3 girls trying to find new ways to make their skirts shorter.

Queensland University of Technology (QUT):
1 to design a nuclear-powered light bulb that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Brisbane using that nuked light bulb, 1 to change the light bulb, 1 to crack under the pressure, 10 to share the experience, 5 to write a report on the importance of light bulbs in today’s modern society, 50 to protest the light bulb's right to not change, 25 to hold a counter-protest, 1 to write the computer program that controls the wall switch, the whole creative industries faculty that to commemorate the event with an interpretative song and dance routine, 20 that turned up for the extra 6 credit points, 1 to hand out the coffee and guarana refreshments, 5 that stumbled over from the bar to see if there is going to be a party, and 1 to say loudly how a QUT student can change a light bulb just as well as any Griffith student ............ (it’s a whole campus affair)

Rosewood High:
if they're anything like Jacqui, they'll just be standing around ringing BRISSIE people asking 'What does that mean? Lightbulb what?'

Sunnybank High:
Well once they find out Macgregor has 'changed' a lightbulb, they'll have to get the whole school to change all of theirs, before bashing up the Macgregor 'changers' in the pathway up to Garden City.

STMC:
10... 5 guys to try and work out how they actually screw in a lightbulb, their gurlfriends standing behind bitching about how girls at Clairvaux/Sunnybank/Macgregor/Browns Plains are such sluts, and a few others just standing around trying to convince people that their school REALLY is a private school ('see it says college!')

Park Ridge High:
The whole 'How to change a Lightbulb' class... its right after there 'Teenage Pregnancy' class and right before 'How not to look stoned at School' class...

Browns Plains High:
None... they're all over at the 'Grand' Plaza hanging around the bus station

St. James:
5...One chick to change it and 2 other chicks to give their boyfriends blow jobs on a park bench.

Holland Park High:
all of them...the schools the biggest shit heaP that no one could care less but they would all go and hide and smoke pot.

Whites Hill College:
none...They are too busy wondering why the hell they'd change the name of the school to make it sound remotely sophisticated when clearly it's not!

Wellington Point SHS:
10, 3 to steal the old bulb and use it as a bong, 2 to miss it all together because they’re skipping class, 4 to bitch about the light bulb because they think it is ‘up itself’ while seeing how high they can pull up their socks and 1 to show the private schools that light bulb changing is a sport, and that’s why Wello is great at it.

Ormiston College:
10, four year 12 boys who have been asked by their year 9 girlfriends to help, four offering to do it “because its all about school spirit” (they are competing for prefect) and two spoilt little rich girls to bitch about the slutty light bulb and how it would break for anyone.

QASM:
just 1....but he does it with his mind

Clairvaux Mackillop College:
It probably wouldn't ever be changed. Knowing Clairvaux. It takes a whole freaking year to clean out a blocked and overflowing sink in the toilets.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Back to Better

Well, I'm no longer that sick. I've got a persistant cough, and my voice doesn't feel like what it used to be, but aside from that, I'm entirely back to normal.

I'm taking a fairly lengthy look at That '70s Show - I'm trying to get through the entire series of 200 (over 8 seasons) before I start working.

Which (cue neat segue) will hopefully be fairly soon. I'm registered with two temping agencies, which should ensure some work. I've also clocked in at 87 words per minute (net), which is awesome, since the last time I was employed in data entry, I was at 72 words per minute. I'm confident.

The sickness did take it out of me, though. Out of willpower (rather than good sense), I went to church on Saturday night - stayed through the service (mostly seated) and went home right on the dismissal, sleeping in for Sunday morning. Like I said, very sick. The last Saturday (being of fairly decent health), I went to church, and went to a mercy meal (the anniversary of a person's repose) afterwards. Then on Sunday, went to church again.

This week, an interview and a skills test (aforementioned), and this weekend a birthday celebration. House blessing planned for next week.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Still sick

Being sick has multiple downsides - currently, that means a perpetually runny nose, a rather vicious cough, a temperature and sporadic headaches, the combination of which meaning that there's not a lot that I can concentrate on. On the positive side, I suppose, it means that I have very little to blog.

Went to church last night. Didn't serve, didn't stand (no energy), stayed very incognito (as much as I can, anyway) and left right on the final 'amen'. I suppose it came more under an 'act of defiance' thing...

Aside from that, I've just been watching movies (Who Framed Roger Rabbit - a classic that I had totally missed - and it explained Toontown at Disneyland!) and TV shows (That '70s Show, How I Met Your Mother and Scrubs, in that order)...haven't even the energy to plug in my Wii, let alone play it...

Hopefully, we'll be well enough to reschedule the houseblessing to sometime this week...fingers crossed.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

so much so that i forgot a header

I'm sure I'm not saying anything new, but...
...being sick sucks.

It all started yesterday. Well, it probably started on Sunday night, but I started to know about it yesterday. I'd gotten an appointment for temporary positions (i.e. you're employed by a company and they send you to various places that particularly need office workers for a short period of time), which was nice, and I had a dry throat all that morning. My flatmate, on the other hand, was just short of asking for Unction.

Which, sadly, just gave me an idea of what I had to look forward to. But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

So I went to the interview, did a good job (I think) and then came home...when the sickness set in. Temperature, massive headache, lack of ease in using joints and, for continuity, a dry throat. That was rather unfortunate, since I still had to do the Word, Excel, Typing and Alphanumeric tests. So, in a temporary let-up, I took a Berocca and plowed through the tests. I'm pretty sure I did okay - one wrong in the MS Word test, a few more in the Excel test, and my typing was as fast as I could go.

But, with the illness still with me, I went to the final lecture on the Ecumenical Councils - this week, going into the 'universally recognised as whole-Church binding but not as Ecumenical' Councils: the Eighth Ecumenical to repair the "Photian" Schism (basically, it affirmed St Photios as rightful patriarch - negating previous Papal claims to the contrary - and refused any changes to the Nicene Creed - an explicit rejection of the Filioque); and, the Ninth Ecumenical to affirm hesychasm against scholasticism/rationalism. We also touched on the Sigillion of 1583 (Old/New Calendars).

Sadly, I was quite unable to enjoy it, or to derive much from it - though in my apartment, I'm at an acceptable level of sickness, when I was in the Church, I did not have the same level of comfort. At one point, I had to go to the back and lie down, where I felt much better.

Today, I don't feel too badly, on the scale of how-bad-one-should-feel-while-sick. I'm hoping that my standard hasty recovery time will serve well - the apartment is getting blessed tomorrow, and I'm hoping that we'll be okay for that.

update 8:21pm - had to cancel the house blessing. even if i might have been able (optimistic), my flatmate certainly isn't.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Ecclesiastical New Year!

Well!
Some big and great news came in today - I got my theology essays back, and not only did I pass both (Old Testament a 'B'-equivalent, Church History 2 a 'A'-equivalent), but the comment at the top of my Church History response was that I have the potential to be a Church historian. Very, very happy indeed!

I've pretty well settled into my new place, all going well thus far. I'm definitely straight back into the uni lifestyle of getting cheap, cheap stuff - the lack of uni studies, at present, regardless :)

Overall, I'm pretty happy.

Last night was the Vespers for the Environment, which basically became the Greek Orthodox contribution to the ecumenical group here (Queensland Churches Together). The Orthodox priests served, and other leaders read most of the readings. I suspect, however, that a lot of the readers were used to things basically changing from week to week...the readings were so slow! I was almost drifting off in one particularly slow rendition. If we did that, our services (already long) would basically double in length. But, OTOH, most people in attendance hadn't heard an Orthodox vespers before, so it was probably not the worst thing...just horrible for us who are used to brisk reading, particularly for the unchangable parts (which are the same every Vespers!)

Well, that's my big news...