Monday, June 30, 2008

Stolen Goat

A few things have come up in the last couple of days, but even in the environment of this - a blog where only those who have connected me with it actually know who runs it - I don't feel comfortable divulging all the things that have really - what's that quaint expression - gotten my goat.

I'm currently studying a course that is, at most, an avocation - I don't feel called to be a high school teacher. Yes, I'm fairly good at it, and enjoy it, but I know what I'm supposed to be in life. So, I've got what could be loosely termed as my occupational problems; there's my domestic situation (of which the less spoken of, the better); and it appears that I'm about to become embroiled in a rather explosive political situation with a major protagonist being someone that I thought I could trust. While most of those were wearing on me - a person not known for a surplus of either patience or tact - the last was the straw that, well, unleashed the avalanche on the proverbial camel.

There was a question that I asked myself a while back about someone - what am I supposed to do without [them]. Sure, it's a quote from an episode of one of my favourite TV shows (That '70s Show), but it seemed very pertinent to me.
I watched that same TV episode tonight, thought about that person, and realised...I'm going to be just fine. Maybe because the hole has been gradually filled by other people, maybe because that person's true colours have unmistakably shone through, I don't know - and doubtless it's a bit of a combination, probably with a few other factors that I've forgotten - but I don't need that particular person in my life anymore.

These have been, to me, really big issues. They've occupied a lot of my thoughts for quite some time (and I do a lot of thinking as part of, well, who I am), because they've been about issues of who I am and, in a mutually-effecting role, who I'm going to be - what I'm supposed to be doing, who are the people who can support me, where am I going. I've always kinda figured that the first two will basically lead to the third, but external circumstances have forced my hand - if I want to go in a particular direction (which may actually be the best way to live out the whole 'who I am' bit), I'm going to have to run with that and, at the risk of using inaccurate language, to defend that and put a bit of my self on the line.

In other news...
There was an ordination on the weekend, which was totally awesome - hierarchical Divine Liturgy with an ordination is always rockin'. I was one of the chanters for matins, which was awesome, and was in the altar for the rest, which was similarly awesome - especially the ordination itself, which is just awe-inspiring.

Today I went to church in the morning, which was cool, then went and played mahjong, which was also cool. I like mahjong.

I've done about, oh, one essay out of the six I'm supposed to have done - and one of the smaller ones, too. Really going to have to get past the issues and just finish these papers...


Anonymous said...

My prayers for the issues you are having to deal with.

Lucas said...

Stolen goat?

Smitty said...

Reference to the whole 'this thing's really got my goat'.